Today in therapy, I went back and reread a lot of my older blog posts, specifically the ones that related to my friendship/school struggles. I forgot about most of the stuff I wrote. It brought back a lot of memories and feelings and it just sucks that I had to go through that. It is difficult to see that younger version of me as... well me. She is so different from who I am today, how do I even refer to her as me? This young girl, not even 12 yet, had to endure so much loneliness that no one, especially someone so young, should ever have to experience. I am just grateful I had Selena to help me through this time because other than her, I felt I had no one. This young girl should not have had to hurt the way she did. It's not fair. She's just so young. This world is cruel and broke her in ways that she is to this day still trying to repair. It is heartbreaking to read where my trauma started. Where part of the source came from. I wish that girl could have had a better life. I wish people weren't cruel to her for the sake of being cruel. She wrote, so many times, that she just is lonely and wants to make friends. Despite all of the cruelty towards her, all she wanted to do was help others. Almost every blog post I wrote related to my struggles, I spoke to the reader and told them to be better than the people who hurt me. To be kinder. To be friendly. I will never know if anyone ever took my advice, but I hope at least one person did. I am writing all of this right after my therapy session as I sit here and thoroughly read through the heartbreak of an 11 year old girl. She had so much light in her, so much gentleness and care, but it faded over time.
I continued to be lonely. I made friends that I could not keep. Every day, I watched people at my school bonding and laughing with their friends, and every day my heart shattered a bit more until it felt like there was no light left. I look back at the start of my pain, or as close to the start as I wrote, and I am just reminded of all of that loneliness I have felt for so long that never really faded. My loneliness remains with me, but so does my heart. That light never truly faded, even when it felt like it was fully gone, all I have ever wanted was for people to be good and kind. I shared my story when I was a child because I wanted people to learn from my experiences, and I have continued to do that since then outside of my blog. My origin story sucks, but it made me who I am today. It made me strong and resilient. It made me more grateful for the people I have in my life. Do I wish that 11 year old me didn't have to go through those struggles? Yes and no. I hate that she had to hurt in the ways I hurt still, but I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her pain. I would be an entirely different person. I like who I have become, even if I struggle every day to get out of bed and be motivated to do the tasks I am required to do. I still struggle, but I am able to push through my struggles because my younger self paved that path. I am grateful for her and her sacrifices. I am going to post this unedited, just my raw thoughts as I wrote them. I do recommend reading back and reading my previous posts for more content. While reading them, remember an 11 year old girl wrote it.
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Kyle is Famous "Kyle tries to prepare for his most important interview yet. Choose his path through 28 endings and accept the consequences in this comedic adventure."
Kyle is Famous is probably the funniest game I have ever played. The best way to play this game is by knowing little to nothing about what you're getting into, you will have the best experience that way. It has been a long time since a game has made me genuinely laugh out loud, and Kyle is Famous made me laugh more than once. It is such a bizarrely random game that never has a dull moment. There are 28 unique endings with their own comedic twist, plus a handful more if you purchase the DLC's. I have tried to avoid purchasing the games I review on my blog, but I am considering purchasing the DLC's just because of how hilarious this game is. This game is text-based story game. You click choices and then there is a storyline created based on the choices you make. Most of the choices are pretty goofy. For example, one of the very first choices you make is whether you get out of bed or wither away. If you choose to wither away, you play the rest of the game as a ghost. From these little decisions you make, more endings become available, unlocking a new story most of the time. Kyle is Famous is a game I recommend to everyone. It is hilarious and a great time killer, and has a killer soundtrack that plays in the background, enhancing the comedic effect. You can find it for free on Steam! I rate this game a 10/10. Please take the time to play through this game. I guarantee it is entertaining! INSIDE "Hunted and alone, a boy finds himself drawn into the center of a dark project. INSIDE is a dark, narrative-driven platformer combining intense action with challenging puzzles."
INSIDE is a solo 2.5D platformer filled with complex puzzles. In total, there are 67 levels plus a few hidden puzzles and a secret ending. It is hard to explain this game without spoiling it entirely, but INSIDE is one of the best solo games I have played in a LONG time. The puzzles are challenging and some require thinking outside of the box. I was tempted a few times to just look up a guide, but luckily I had friends watching me play and they were able to help me with a few of the puzzles. While I usually dislike games that have no context to it going in, I absolutely loved INSIDE. As you finish puzzles, the story progresses and you are able to connect dots to what is going on. The story is never truly explained and a lot of it is up for interpretation, especially the ending. I had to google theories for the ending of INSIDE after I played, because I was truly so confused but amazed at what I had seen. The ending of the game is one of those endings that is open-ended and may never truly be explained, you have to think for yourself and determine your own thoughts on it. If you are curious about the story and don't want to actually play the game, and are curious about the ending and current theories, here is a great video that explains pretty much everything. INSIDE is easily a 10/10. Like I mentioned before, this is one of the best solo games I have played. It is eerie and creepy at times, but never truly scary. I recommend this game 100% to anyone who is interested in psychological thrillers. I will definitely be playing again to unlock all of the hidden puzzles and the secret ending. ABZÛ "From the art director of Journey®, ABZÛ is a beautiful underwater adventure that evokes the dream of diving. Immerse yourself in a vibrant hidden world bursting with color and life as you descend into the heart of the ocean. But beware as you swim deeper as dangers lurk in the depths."
ABZÛ is a solo indie adventure game that takes place in the ocean. There are 8 chapters total, 7 featuring unique sea creatures based on existing ones, and ones that have existed in the past. You are able to interact with almost every animal, and can even latch onto a few. It is a beautifully designed game, probably some of the best graphics I have seen in a long time. ABZÛ is a great game to play if you need to kill a few hours or need to calm down. The soundtrack is equally beautiful to the graphics, probably great music to fall asleep to in all honesty. While ABZÛ is a beautiful game, I do have a few issues with it. There is definitely a story, but it is never explained and difficult to follow. There's just no context as to what is going on, which I personally don't like. I enjoy games with a backstory. ABZÛ has a backstory, but it is up for interpretation, which can be both a pro and a con. I also VERY much dislike the controls. Moving the diver is way more difficult than it needs to be. If you accidentally click W or S for too long, you spin out of control. I understand that this is to make it more realistic, diving is difficult to control, but still a bit annoying. Overall, I'd rate this game a 7/10. I would play again, but solely to get pictures of the sea creatures because they are absolutely adorable. You aren't missing out on much if you don't play ABZÛ, but if you decide to, you are in for a very relaxing ride. Hey there! LONG time no see. I have wanted to come back to this blog for a long time, but could never find the motivation. I intended to do a big ol' update on my life and summarize what has happened in the past 4 years, but never got around to it. There are so many events it is just exhausting to thing about writing them all. I started writing an update post in 2019, but even then, there were so many things that happened.
So, instead of a large summary of my last 4 years, I wanted to do a short one. I'm now 18, a legal adult. Absolutely crazy and terrifying, but true. I dropped out of high school my junior year and got my HiSET, which is equivalent to a GED in a way? I honestly have no clue what the difference is, but I know that my mom always corrects me when I say I "basically got my GED." I started college in 2020 but struggled with my mental health and motivation, so I ended up only getting 2 credits total and dropping 3 of my courses in the spring. On technical terms, I am starting my second year of college on the 30th, but really it will be 4 years worth of classes. I've decided I want to be a high school English teacher, so I am getting a secondary education major with an English focus and a psychology minor because brains are cool. I have a cat named Tenley and she is a demon sent from hell but I love her nonetheless. We have 2 other cats, Jack and Lucee, but Tenley has claimed me as her own little plaything. I have met my best friend, Frostbiter1000, three times now in person which is CRAZY cool considering we met on Minecraft 8 years ago. Her name is not Frostbiter1000, by the way, just in case anyone was wondering. I struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time. I still struggle, but I have an amazing therapist and am actually getting better. When I was a sophomore, I went to a mental hospital twice, but wasn't there long either time because I honestly didn't need to be, but my mother would argue differently. Fun fact actually: I was in the mental hospital for my sweet 16! You can laugh, I think it is pretty funny. All in all, I am in a really great place in my life right now, probably the best place I have been in 7 years. My plan is to go back to game and book reviews. I will probably talk about notable things in my life as well, but my main focus will be reviewing games I play and books/book series I read. I just really love sharing my opinions, what can I say? If you have any questions about anything, you are more than welcome to ask either in the comments or you can find ways to contact me on the CONTACT INFO page. Thank you for reading :) I'll start using this again, or will at least attempt to remember. I'm going to completely redesign the website though because 2016 Cameron was.. yikes.
Apparently I'm the student of the month in my school for all of seventh grade which is like 200-300 kids!! It's insane! I've only been there two months! And out of ALL those kids! I'm just shocked. I think I get a prize or something but I have no clue how this works.
Hello dear readers, I have finally found a website that you all can read my writing and not be able to steal it! Huzzah! It's booksie.com (as the title says). All writing on there is copyrighted and you can post your book chapter by chapter and others can see it and give you feedback. I have so many books I'm planning on working on on that so you can go check them out! My username is CamyLarva so just search that in the searchy bar when you get to the website and read my books! Yay! I'm super excited about that! I wish I could post them here but then you thieves might steal them so booksie works! I also like it so ha! I hope you guys go check that out because I have been DYING to show some of you my writing skills.
AHHH IT HAS BEEN MUCH TOO LONG!! I already failed my New Years resolution so great job me. I've been grounded from technology for a while and before that I haven't really had time to blog, but here I am! I guess I will start with my tonsils and go from there.
The first week of February I got my tonsils removed.. February 1st actually. That entire week was so very painful. I couldn't talk and whenever I swallowed it felt like I was swallowing a spiky potato. That's probably not the best way to describe the feeling but that's the first thing that came to my mind so I'm just going with it. I was out of school for the entire week which was perfectly okay with me! It's funny though because I went to the new school for two days and then was gone a week. So yeah, I survived my tonsil surgery(barely). We got to the hospital at 9 in the morning I think and then waited a bit for the doctors to come get me. Then they put an IV in my arm which was really creepy for me considering I'd never had an IV or didn't even know what the heck an IV was until it was in my arm. I'd heard of an IV before but it never really registered until I saw it. Anyways, then they put some calming medicine thingy in the IV so I didn't freak out. Then they wheeled me(because I was in a hospital bed) to the surgery room. Oh, and can I just say hospital gowns are SOO weird! The doctors gave me this gas that I think smelled like grape but It's been 2 months so I can't really remember. Then I was out. I don't even remember falling asleep it's like one minute I was about to have my tonsils removed and the next I'm back where I was before the surgery. Except for the fact that I was in lots of pain after the surgery. After that we went home and I was in more pain for a whole week! YAY!! But seriously though, it felt like someone internally stabbed my throat. You know how people who get their tonsils removed get to have icecream? WELL I DIDN'T! My doctor said I needed protein and icecream doesn't have enough protein and the sooner I get back on a regular diet the better. I got to have a little icecream, but it was mostly otterpops. I pretty much stayed on my couch the whole week, I even slept there. Like I've been doing this week.. Oh right, i have some sort of stomach bug or something and have had it all week. This week was spring break. Yep, spent my spring break on my couch feeling like I was going to throw up whenever I stood up. So fun. Now you get to hear(technically you're reading what I'm saying but you can imagine me saying it which is kind of creepy but whatever)me ramble about school! So the week after my tonsil surgery, I went back to school. I got super lucky too because that week and the week before I would have had to do P.E. in the fitness center. The opposite class was doing ping pong so I got to do that after I was allowed to do P.E. again. I didn't like my choir teacher at the time because she tried to get me to sing when, hello, I JUST GOT MY TONSILS REMOVED! It was annoying but once she realized that there was a note for her about that, she backed off. I still had to be in the choir concert that was literally two weeks away that everyone had been preparing for for like 2 months. I'm a fast learner so it was okay. My two favorite teachers are my health and geography teachers. They are both super nice and really fun! I love all my teachers though because it's actually a really fun school. I guess I should talk about my social life. So, the week I was gone because of tonsil stuff, I found out that there was a girl in my science class who, quote, "thought I could be a potential best friend." It was funny, but it was a friend and that's what I needed. So I met her and she was really nice but she was too serious. Most of you know how I tend to joke a lot and am almost never serious. Well, when you made a joke to her, she took it literally. I was like GAH! She had another friend who i hung out with as well. SO I was with them for a good three weeks and then the original girl started to leave us and we were confused. So then I find out that the other girl was bisexual which means she likes girls and boys. I had lost a friend before because of her being bisexual and I didn't want to do it again. I let it go for a little bit but then it got worse to the point where she would never stop talking about having a crush on this girl. I refused to go to school but my dad forced me to go. The school counselor talked to me and we figured out how to get this girl to stay away. She was really upset and was crying and i felt bad but I couldn't take it. That wasn't the only reason either, it was just a part of the reason. The main reason I didn't want to be her friend anymore was because she reminded me way too much of the girl who was the reason I left my old school. i didn't realize it at first, it was when I was telling my friend, Alyssa, about her when we were hanging out the weekend before. She told me, "She sounds a lot like (Person's name who I won't share because that's gossip)." And I was like, "Dude, she so does." It was hard at first to get away from this girl because she kept trying to send people to talk to me and ask "Why are you not talking to her? Why aren't you guys friends anymore?" and I kept saying, "It's none of your business it's between me and her and I don't want to start drama." I went back to the counselor and she had a talk with that girl. She eventually stopped so now I'm okay. I made a friend and her name is Bekah and she's super nice. THere's a ton of other people who are nice and could possibly be better friends in the future but I mean, it's been two months. One of those months I was hanging out with a girl that a lot of people don't like because she is a drama queen who starts drama for attention. Holy crap this is long. Well, that's how my life has been for the past two months. At least, school wise. So glad summer is almost here! Even though it's totally not, I'm being optimistic!!!!!! I really like the people, I just don't like school. Or learning. Or doing work for that matter. I am so lazy it's not even funny. Well, thanks for viewing my blog! And I know some people have been wondering if I died but, HELLO WORLD I AM ALIVE AND NOT PLANNING ON DYING FOR AT LIKE 500 MORE YEARS. Thanks again for viewing! This is a little late, but happy birthday to my friend Frostbiter1000! Her birthday was the 27th! Happy birthdayyyyy!!! |
About MeWelcome to my mess of a blog! I started this when I was 11 years old. As of 2022, I am now 19 years old. Most of you might be wondering what motivated me to start this blog in the first place, and to that I would answer: I honestly have no clue. I guess I have always really enjoyed talking about myself, and what better way to do that than start a blog? Who knows. "It ain't easy bein' cheesy." |